


go ahead, steal my heart. jokes on you though, my dad's a cop.

by sergeantsad



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Multi, My first fic, it may be a lil shitty but :(, lots of cussing bc apparently i’m not that articulate, no beta we die like men, pls dont bully me lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21665950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sergeantsad/pseuds/sergeantsad
Summary: "During a bank robbery, you're surprised when the criminals seem to recognize you and retreat in fear. Only later do you learn that your high school sweet-heart now runs a global crime syndicate and has placed you on a "No Harm" list. You decide to pay them a visit after all these years."
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes
Comments: 13
Kudos: 199





	go ahead, steal my heart. jokes on you though, my dad's a cop.

“EVERYBODY GET DOWN NOW, DON’T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF!”

‘Oh god, oh my god, why did I get out of bed today? Great, I’m going to die and my dad’s going to find my body and he’ll spiral and drink and I won't even be there to make him watch what he eats so he’ll eat the most unhealthy crap and it will all be my fault because I decided to go to the bank on a Tuesday. I should've known better, when has anything good ever happened on a Tuesday? Have I learned nothing from Supernatural?

Dean literally died so many times in that one episode. But then again, it was really Gabriel who caused the whole time loop so maybe Tuesdays aren’t really to blame for this. Okay but Tuesdays are kind of pointless. Like there's nothing really significant about them: it's not TGIT, its TGIF because everyone loves Friday and the weekend. I've never heard someone positively mention that its Tuesday, nor has anyone waited the week out just so it can be a Tuesday-’ Stiles internal dialogue that was running far too wildly was cut off by a deep voice.

“This is a robbery, everybody get down now! I won’t repeat myself again.” the gruff voice came from one of the two people in the group wearing (Werewolf? What the hell even??) masks. Stiles was pretty sure it wasn’t the blonde girl with bright red lipstick who spoke, so that left the tall dark man who was built as shit.

Stiles couldn’t stop a snort that escaped him and the girl paused before looking right at him and grinning dangerously.

“Something funny?”

‘Fuck, now you’ve done it. Well done, Stiles.’ Stiles mentally face palmed.

And of course, Stiles had to make matters worse by opening his mouth and started blurting out dumb shit. He knew he should've taken an adderall before he left home today. 

“Uh not really funny but, a little ironic..? Your partner said that he won’t repeat himself again but it’s contradictory because he already told everyone to get down- actually that was the first thing he said, but then he says to get down for the second time and yeah... I just found that kind of amusing and so yeah, maybe I did find it funny. I'll shut up now.” He oh so eloquently ended as he snapped his mouth shut.

The room was silent as the robbers stared at him for a few seconds before The Blonde Woman laughed gleefully, “Ooh I like this one.”

Then she aimed a gun at him, “I’m going to need you to collect all the money, when we break into the safe. Can’t get that security goo gunk in my perfect hair.” she casually added, endorsing her point by flipping her hair.

“You might not want to because Greenberg’s snitch ass triggered the silent alarm. The response time is about 4 minutes and I've been stalling for 3 now. That means you have approximately 1 minute before Beacon Hill’s finest comes here and arrests you guys. I suggest you leave while you can.”

The girl studied him for a moment before narrowing her eyes, “You’re right, we don’t have time to break in the safe but we certainly won’t leave empty handed.”

...And that was the last thing Stiles heard before the room went black. 

Stiles noticed two things as he slowly regained consciousness. Numero Uno, his head hurt like a bitch. Two, he heard really loud voices arguing. He kept his eyes closed and listened closely.

“Issac, I’m pretty sure you fucking killed him. You hit him so hard that this poor human isn’t waking up.”

“Erica! You’re the one who told me to!” 

“No, dumbass. I was going to do it myself, with a lot more fitness I might add. Where did you even come from? I told you to man the car.”

“You’re not the Alpha of me.”

“Oh real mature, Issac. Well, I may not be the alpha of you but you know who is. How do you think he’s going to react when he finds out you botched a kidnapping because you couldn’t handle your strength?”

The room was silent until Isaac whispered, “oh man..”

A third voice spoke up. “You guys might be interested to know that our victim is not only alive, but he’s very much awake as well.”

Stiles slowly opened his eyes, and sighed. His cover was blown. 

“What’s up, guys?” He asked cheerfully.


End file.
